Really, this blog started off about appreciating the views and beauty that I found in nature and in my life. My, how it's evolved.
When David's death impacted so much of my life - so much of me, the view was just in having a view, period. Now I am in a place in grief recovery that feels pretty good. I still miss David, I will always miss David, but it's not my sole focus anymore.
Returning to my Jesus-centered up-bringing and beliefs has plugged a hole in my heart that has really been empty for a rather long time (and this is still in development). That connection was the one thing that was missing in my relationship with David. I'll own that sometimes I think about weather or not he'd have survived if I'd have been brave enough to live my faith out loud. I have to let that go because I can't live in that past. I can't or I'll go crazy. I am working on forgiving myself, it's the best I can do.
Regardless, somehow I am plugged in again in a way that I wasn't when I was practicing my faith before. I wake up and in a personal Bible study each morning. Understanding relationship with God is somehow really important. Zeal of the converted was what we "old school" Christians used to say about people in my current position - newly returned or newly converted. It wasn't mocking, but it was kind-of. I hope I never lose this zeal though. I hope I never feel like this is old hat again. I hope that the passion for Jesus, for God never wanes. But like all things good and beautiful, it must be tended and tend I must.
So I am thinking a lot about my role in my community - the role of Christians in my community. How to live my faith out loud. I have some thoughts. There are changes I want to see. I have a passion and drive for practical missions, that when people get what they need (*see Maslow's Hierarchy) they can be open to matters existential. So, where things go from here? I don't know. I am looking forward to the answers and the adventure of the journey.
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