Not my will...

I think if I knew what God's plan for... well, anything... was?  I think I would get in the way.

If I knew what God was trying to do in my life, I would use every machination that I can imagine to make it come about in the limited way of my own understanding of how I want XYZ to work in my life.  Wouldn't you?  If you knew that God wanted you to move to the place of your heart's desire, wouldn't you do everything in your power to make that happen?  I know I would.

Here's the thing though, I might understand the idea of the plan but the point of it is the journey and the side-line lessons that exist so that I am READY for that move when it comes.  Do you see what I am saying?

When David was alive, I knew that he put money away into little pockets and places so that we'd have a budget for trips or adventures, house improvements, rainy day funds, etc.  There were a lot of those little places out there, and when we took that first year off and moved to the small town in which I live again, we lived on the pockets.  I knew that they existed, but I asked him not to share the contents or locations with me because *I* would want to find a place for that money to be useful in the short term.

David was highly strategic and employed his mind to watch for scenarios of opportunity and challenge.  He taught me some of that... well, as much as I was willing to learn it from him.  Some of it I found overwhelming because strategy is not a strong suit for me.  My point of power is in the present moment.

And as I type that?  I find it resonates with me like a tuning fork struck true.  My point of power is in the present moment.  Matthew 6:26 says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"  I am more valuable.  And God is faithful to fulfill his promises.

Or Jeremiah 29:11? "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  That's a pretty powerful promise.  A hope and a future.  Prosper and not harm.  I can let myself trust that.

So, I have to trust.  That's like, my JOB.  My job is to trust.  Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways submit him and he will make your paths straight."

Submit.  Dude, that's a hard one for me and my pride.  But I am compelled to believe that God's promises for me are real.  I am putting my trust into God, hoping and having faith that his plan and path for me are going to make an amazing work in my life.  I don't know WHAT the plan is, I don't know WHERE the path leads, but that's the bit about him being God and my being the one who serves.

So, like Jesus said (when faced with the knowledge that he was going to be brutalized, beaten and nailed to the cross - a situation profoundly more difficult than mine), "Not my will, but YOURs be done."  It's the best I can do to make that my prayer.

Not my will, but yours.