One of the problems I had with Christianity and Church culture was that everyone seemed to "get" to the same place at the same time. Whatever was said at the pulpit was pretty much gospel and no one really questioned too hard.
Maybe though that's changed, that was my perspective in my 20's so hopefully it HAS changed. I haven't been back at this Christian thing all that long - about two weeks I guess - but I am fighting against the impetus to do it again: blindly following. I think this is a bad thing. I don't want to do it.
I don't know that I'll post what I think about. The messages I need to hear aren't probably ones that you need to hear. The conclusions I make, well, they might not be ones you'd make. My job as a Christian is to make REAL what I already believe and to live that out loud. I want more than the pre-digested milky God food (that sounds really gross, but is consistent with the way Bible/church people talk), I want to chew on some meat. I want to have to think about what's going down. I want to have to true myself up to the Bible.
I have a carpenter working on my house. Sometimes, in the break I have in my day, I like to go over there and watch him and his crew work. I understand about 1/3 of their tech-speak - some kind of joist, or the way they over-build or the tools they use? All a foreign language. But it's so interesting to watch them check, re-check, pound a nail in tighter, check a level, check a square. Watching the math that is going on in their heads is so much more than distances and cuts. Cantilevering. Supporting. Angles. Making sure the drain-off will happen properly - the list goes on. As a homeowner, I am completely overwhelmed. But as a homeowner, it's also my job to understand to an extent what they are doing, how the project is going so that when I am asked a question about my preference and how this or that is going to look, I can give an informed answer and not just blindly accept what they are doing to my home. I know I am unusual in that aspect with regards to being the homeowner - but the carpenter doesn't seem to mind the questions and seems impressed that I care so much about what's going on. I do. And I can see the beautiful work that is going on in the structure of my house.
At some point, the work will be done and it will all be covered in paint, tile and carpet. At some point all of my furnishings will go in and that's what will be seen. But because I have been here to see the structure take shape and know what will be under the exterior, I own this house in a way that most of the previous owners didn't. It'll be hard-won knowledge, and good.
This is the way I want my faith to play out. I want to understand the structure. The finished product will be beautiful. Heck, the work in progress IS beautiful, but I want to own my faith in a way that is both structurally sound as well as pleasing. So, I am going back to my critical thinking. Going back to making real what I already believe. Living my faith out loud.
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