This last week, I sat with my head against the chest of the man who has rapidly become my dearest and closest friend and wept. We'd been talking about stuff. My stuff. David's death-anniversary was a few days from then. When I tried to apologize and deep breathe my way to no tears, he said, "No Babe, just let them out." So I did, and dissolved into a puddle for a good few minutes.
I am not sure what I did to deserve this friend, but I will be completely honest - whatever it is/was, I want to do it a lot. This man, my friend, gives me more than I think I deserve (and upon reading this, he'll be irritated at me for thinking that).
The beautiful thing is that he allows me to be someone he can rely on too. The give-and-take here is a wonder for me. The relationship with David left me very little room to come unglued, especially in the last few years. Maybe I could have, but I didn't feel that it was safe for him if I weren't the strong person he needed. At the same time, I knew he hid is stuff from me because the enormity of his pain was killing me just as it was killing me. It's a relief to not be the strong one for a moment with my stuff and in the same breath, maybe not even ten minutes later, be the one who can be the supporter.
In the middle of Ecclesiastes, where the author is going on about everything being pointless and meaningless, there is this surprising item:
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
New King James Version (NKJV)
The Value of a Friend
9 Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
I know that I am ridiculously blessed with this friend. Here is someone who prays for me, for my happiness and fulfillment. I pray the same for him. However God is working within each of us, however we as individuals are being led in our lives, however the path of growth, I am blessed with this. I'm so glad that he is here to pick me up when I fall, that we can lean on each other. I am glad that our friendship is founded on our individual relationships with God, and that we rest together in our relationship with Him.
