Christmastime, growth, gifts and a gentle ass-kicking

Sadly, I am traveling for Christmas.  Sadly, because I didn't bring my camera and because I am not on my blessed beach.  So, there will be no photos for today's post.  It'll likely be a short one, but for me anyway, important.

I'm surprised this trip at how ok I am.  I thought coming back here would be harder, that there would be more tears and more sadness, but I think I've been able to work through much of the grief at home where I feel safe to let my guard down and mourn.  This trip was both about an ending - a letting go - and connection with friends and family.

I've been so blessed with, as one friend calls it, my collection of people.  I am a person who seeks people out for their gifts, and because we connect on that level, no matter how far apart we are or how long it's been since we have been able to spend face-to-face time together, it's easy and relaxed.  This week, because I journeyed back to the place I was born and raised and spent a large portion of my life, I got to see a few of my people connection... and what a huge blessing it was for me.

I met up with an old flame this week.  We had coffee (or in his case, chai) and talked for nearly three hours, and there may or may not have been a kiss.  Isn't it funny that after 25 years that you can reconnect with someone like there was no time at all?  While the kiss was lovely and exciting, I think both he and I would agree that it was simply that, a kiss, and not something either of us will get too het up about - but as my friend C says, "Good, you got that out of the way, now you can connect with someone who might be more in the picture for you."  I'm sure that my old flame and I will continue to communicate, and that's fine with me - there is still friendship to be shared there but likely nothing more.

Another dear friend and I were able to sit and talk over a really great breakfast (incidentally, if you want the way to this foodie's heart?  breakfast - every time.)  She and I have been friends for so long and so closely, it's like putting on your favorite pair of shoes when we get to spend a few hours alone.  Very few people 'get' me like she does, our gifts and personalities balance each other so well, she brings me no shortage of joy. 

She is a crusader.  Had she been born a man, I think life would have been infinitely easier.  As it is, my dear friend struggles with her place in life.  Well, that's not entirely true - she is exceptionally great at being who she is.  What she struggles with is other's acceptance of her gifts.

I'm easy, I'm loving - a salve to the hurting - a comfort and an exhorter.  These gifts are welcomed in women, loving people is something we expect of the femme.  But a crusader and a woman?  Christian culture (where she works and operates) does not find these two concepts comforting and regularly rejects the pairing.  Men in general, let alone those in Christian culture, typically don't like women to wield the machete and hack through the thick underbrush of thought, reason, and Biblical exegesis.  Alas, thusly she was gifted so thusly she walks and thusly she is - for lack of a better word, persecuted.

The persecution has been subtle and constant: rolled eyes, pushing her to the background, tamping of her fire.  Even if you are very strong, those things batter you, take the wind from your sails, and grind you down till you see yourself as wrong and broken. 

There are few who can speak into your life and tell you that your difficult for other's gifts are beneficial, and those voices have to be loud and persistent.  With the latter, I've been remiss.  I will commit to you - my longest living intimate and dear friend - to be persistent. Who you are is more than good enough.  What you bring is necessary, even if it isn't appreciated overtly.  We are both like water in our way.  The things we bring aren't always for the moment.  The influence we bring puddles and lingers, wearing away at resistance to truth.  The things that are difficult for others are my favorite things about you.  May your light and influence be appreciated now and in this lifetime.  But if it isn't?  DO NOT STOP BEING YOU, not ever... not for a moment. 

Thank you so much for being the bold, fire-y, pain-in-the-ass that you are.  I love you.

To the rest of you, thanks for reading this far... and Merry Christmas!!