Thanksgiving

Oh, dear friends.  What a merciful God we have.

I pursue most things in my life doggedly until I have a depth of understanding or a grasp on the thing so that then I might then relax in the depth of knowledge attained.  My relationship with God has been no different - I've been pursuing personal purity and wholeness and holiness like it has been my job.

I've wanted to fall in love with Jesus in a way I'd heard other people talk about, the depth of which I'd not ever achieved in my personal relationship with Him.  That's been my prayer of late: Teach me to fall in love with you.  And it is about time spent and listening to the object of affection and allowing Him to influence my life in the way that I would let a friend do.

Today is Thanksgiving Day.  I awoke today to a plan change and in prayer for the reason for my plan change.  Then I spent the morning doing a bit of work after reading some in my Bible and praying for a few friends in difficult situations.  I spoke to my mom, sisters, nieces, nephews and my brother-in-law - all of whom I love very much but am unlikely to see for a year.  Then I went to a new acquaintance's house for Thanksgiving dinner and, as we do on Thanksgiving ate too much.  Upon arriving home, I started to ache in loneliness.  I miss having a 'someone' to share my days and nights, my triumphs and trials, my sorrows and joys with and a someone is not in the immediate offing.

It would be easy to have fallen into a pity party.  I've done it so often in the last 19 months, the woe of woe is me, the sitting in my sack cloth and ashes.  Instead, I cried out to God.  I was honest with where I was.  I was open and vulnerable and ached and blubbered and asked for him to fill me. Please fill me with some kind of hope.  And do you know what?  He did.  I wish I could describe with any kind  words that might make sense to the type of experience it was.

Afterwards, I picked up my guitar and bawled through worship songs, my tender heart soft in praise.  I am so thankful that when I reach out to Jesus, I am met.  It's not been an easy road and it's not always been pleasant, but I am at a place where I feel confident that when I need Him (every day, every moment) that I am met.  It's not that I am so special, but I am doggedly pursuing a deeper and deeper relationship with Jesus.  I don't ever want anything or anyone to come before that relationship.

The point of the post, friends, is that if you want it, you can have this too.  I don't know if your relationship with Jesus will look like mine, I've known other people who've had relationships different than mine but no less deep - we each as individuals have different needs - but I know if you seek Him, He will be found by you.  And today, I am so very thankful that it is so true.