Inside Out.

God, Bless Joan.

I showed up to worship practice last week with nothing.  And when I say nothing, I mean it. I had come to the end of my everything.  I had absolutely nothing to give - to myself even.  The thing I'd been hiding was unable to be hidden any longer and the truth of it all came tumbling out into her arms.  I confessed.  I was turned inside out.

I don't know if you've ever had an accountability person, but I was gifted one last week.  And thank GOD that I was, because I needed one.  She didn't let me play it off.  She didn't let me obscure it.  She pushed at me to be honest and open and accountable and I was.

I've a road ahead of me, it's not going to be especially easy, but it's full of Grace.  Because like everyone else, I struggle with sin.  Because it's really not germane to the conversation, I won't reveal the specifics of it here, but we all struggle with sin, don't we?  Or, am I alone in being the sole broken follower of Jesus?  Somehow, I don't think I am.  I guess we can all look at our lives and acknowledge that there is sin there that we might not be able to examine and confess, but when we are able to and when we do, I hope it is met with peace and grace as I was.  A lot of the time when we look at the opportunity to confess, to bare our souls it is terrifying (I know it was for me).  What I am surprised to find out is that it's terrifically freeing.  Plus?  Biblical:

James 5: 16, 19-20
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whomever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

Confession and accountability are important.  God wants to work in us, and through us.

It's now just been a week since my confession.  Though I still struggle with some of the emotional consequences of my sin (and the confession) I have been flooded with peace.  Just today I feel like I've walked through a door from shame and embarrassment to a place where I can see the purpose of releasing this thing I've been holding onto.  God has been meeting me in my daily study, there have been words of encouragement and support.  There's been hope for my future.

I don't know what it is that God is calling me to fully yet, but I feel like the last vestiges that were holding me back from finding out are gone.  It's been awhile since I've felt settled, but I feel settled and on the verge of being stirred up again for the next adventure in following Jesus.

I hope you enjoy the same freedom and the same adventure.

And up until now in this blog, I've not offered this which has been remiss on my part.  If you have not found salvation through Jesus, may I offer to you the opportunity to know Him?  It's as simple as accepting a gift, as honest as saying "I've failed.  I need you, Jesus.  I need the salvation you've paid for by your death and resurrection.  Please fill me up."

By the way, if you are praying that for the first time or again and want to talk with someone?  Find me.  I check the comments here.  I'd love to talk with you, one sinner saved by Grace to another.