What if...

What if God called you to ministry?  What if you had a promise of God working in you and through you to bring about change in your community, change in the lives around you, that He wanted to use you to draw people to Him?  What if you were who God wanted to use?

What if within that amazing calling, God called you to give it all up? 

What if your calling meant that you had to give away everything that was important to you? 

What if that meant that you gave up hope of having a relationship ever or again? 

What if it meant that you lived in poverty, that your income was earmarked to help others? 

What if you had to let go of your idea of safety?

What if you never had sex again, were never intimate with another person again?

Would you do it?  If you knew that's what was being asked of you, would you do it?

It's where I am right now.  It's where I am right now and I am desperately afraid... and yet, I am not.

When I was called to ministry, my mom was there and witnessed it.  She said she cried for me because she knew it was going to be a hard life.  I was six.  Then, somewhere in my 20s, as much as my life was full of grace and mercy and ministry - everyone around me was marrying and oh, I was so desperately lonely... and I found an acceptable man and married him.  I don't think that was God's plan for me, but He will work within the boundaries we set.

Now I am free again to follow wholeheartedly and I am choosing to again accept that call, I both feel and fear that I am being asked to give it all  up.  All of it.  All of my expectations, all of my resources, all of my... everything.  It might mean that I never get any of those things.  It might mean, like Abraham and his son, that I am being tested.  I don't know.

But, I guess it doesn't matter.  It's where I am and I am inclined to say yes. 

Lord, yes, please take it all.  Yes, I entrust you with my whole life.  Yes, I want to be your woman for the job, whatever the job. 

Yes, I am afraid that I won't be fulfilled, but I know God's character and I know He will take care of me.  Yes, I want Him to work in me, through me.  Yes, sanctify me, burn off the chaff, refine me.

To all of it, no matter how hard it is, I chose to say yes. 

Remind me of this when I am disheartened, and lonely, and afraid.  Remind me that I chose to say yes.  Remind me of who You are so that my answer is always: Yes.