Life is messy. People are messier still and if you are going to live, if you are going to get involved with people? Plan on it being messy.
I am well outside my comfort zone with something that happened this past weekend. A woman I'd met recently, with whom I was starting to establish a friendship needed some help. As it was told to me at the time, she wanted help with asking a recent ex-boyfriend to move out because he'd started drinking again. My intention was to go and sit and be a quiet support, and I was able to do that.
The confrontation went quietly, he left without incident, and shortly after he left I did too. As I understand it, the incident got a bit weirder after I left, and because I'll protect her anonymity I'll just say that shortly before midnight she was delivered to my doorstep, two dogs in tow and I was turning down the covers on my guest bed.
There was a level of drama with the whole situation that I am not particularly comfortable with, and I have intentionally backed away the last few days while I have got myself back into a level of stability. I've been thinking a lot about this and did I want to get involved further, and how I wanted to behave and what I wanted to do. (In the event the reader is wondering, I'll be calling to check in on her today.)
Of late, I've been praying a lot, "God, use me. Use me how you see fit." I know an aspect of my personality and calling is hospitality and I really want God to step into my life and use me to draw other's closer to Him. Rubber, here's the road, I guess.
So in just reading other writers on various topics having to do with my Walk With Jesus, I came across today's entry from one of my favorite writers: John Fischer. He writes a blog called The Catch and today's entry was John's take on 2 Corinthians 2:15-16: For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life.
This reference was talking about who is drawn to us, who wants to be near us when we smell like Jesus (new fragrance, hopefully will outsell Teen Spirit - heh). Who was it that Jesus drew to Himself? Who was it that was drawn to Jesus? Broken, messy people. The ones who had the most trouble with Him were the religious, the ones who had it all together.
Heck, and gosh (see, my swearing has improved - though, if we're honest, it's still swearing) that's who I want my life to be like, right? Jesus? Yup.
The other aspect of this is the study I've been doing from the book, "Jesus Manifesto" by Frank Viola and Leonard Sweet. In the chapter I currently have my nose in, they talk about not being a WWJD Christian. What Would Jesus Do? In the premise of WWJD?, Christians are told to behave like Jesus, to go towards a perfect life. But, that's not what Jesus did. He did what the Father told him to do, and He did it under the power of the Father. He went about His day, walking here and there, healing the sick, comforting people, confronting people, hanging out with His guys and teaching. What was put in front of Him, the people who approached Him? That's who He ministered to, and I think, that's who I need to minister to too.
Life is going to be a little messy and it's going to put you into awkward situations sometimes. As well, ministry is going to do the same. So, I am uncomfortable sometimes and it sometimes feels scary to be the person who is asked to step in. I think if I am ready for it, God will bring the opportunity/opportunities my way. I just have to keep myself in good connection with Him so that I am speaking His words and making His actions.
Maybe my well isn't dry, I have more to give. Maybe I need to surrender to the will of a God so much greater than me, with a much better understanding of the much bigger picture. I think that's a pretty great place to be. I am, after all, the biggest sinner. My sin is the greatest, I am the worst human, because my sin is mine and it is what would separate me from the Most Holy God, if He'd not sent His Son to die and be risen to pay for it. My sin is burned away and I am a fragrant thing.
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