Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

This is the fourth Christmas without David.  This is my third Christmas spending it alone and while that sounds so depressing to say, I am actually filled with JOY!

I haven't been alone all Christmas this year, just today.  I've been able to connect with friends, people I care about, some with phone calls or texts, most of Skype or Facebook.  (I have to say, as much as people moan about the digital age, I'm grateful for it... so many loved ones all over the world!)

I've been able to watch people get together with loved ones, and their children, happy faces, most of them are relaxed.  I'm so blessed to have this window into the joy of others. 

It brings me joy this year to see that life goes on.  In years past, that hasn't been the case.  I was jealous.  But today I am glad to see that in the middle of friends and family going through hard things that they take time to celebrate together.

I've watched dear people go through serious losses and hardships this year, and yet in this season of celebrating they are choosing to do so.  I have much to learn.  My loss drove me inwards, it's not such a surprise because I'm an inwards type of woman... but I realize that my hurting heart has healed.  Enough so that hiding away isn't what I need.  I'm realizing a new trend.

I want to help the hurting.

I know the depth of loss.  My heart has been broken like a clay pot, but I'm finding that like Japanese Kintsukuroi - the pieces have been repaired with gold... like this:



My pain my experience helps me understand a little.  Our experiences are our ministry.  Through my loss I can care about someone else's loss, or hurt, hope dashed, broken-ness, and JOY.

I don't know what all the next year entails, I know I'm not meant to know - but to experience it in it's fullness.  I'm looking forward to what will come, but even more I'm excited to be in the moment and just live it. 

My prayer for all of us is that we allow our broken pieces will be put together by our skilled craftsman.  Our God.  Jesus, as it has been said so many times, is the reason for the season.  But the whole of that is that we celebrate the advent of God made flesh to live among us... Jesus came to live, and then to die on our behalf so that we could have direct relationship with God.  So we can all be God's kintsukuroi.

Merry Christmas.