I nearly wrote this as my Facebook status tonight:
If I had known the Jesus I know now, I don't think I would have fallen away for 15 years. If I had fallen in love with Jesus the way I am now, how different life would have been.
The truth is, I don't know that for sure. Of course I don't know that for sure. Of course, no one knows where they would be or who they would be based on the choices they make. That's my disclaimer, and not at all the point of this post.
The point of this post is this: Why didn't I meet that Jesus when I was young?
I've been reading a few different blogs and bloggers. This week Micah Murray talked about being enough for God (here: http://redemptionpictures.com/2014/05/13/dear-god-am-i-good-enough-for-you-yet/ ) and the post resonated with me.
There are so many things that I thought were required from me as a Christian and I think that getting away from the 'ought to' of Christianity was helpful. I'm not recommending that path to anyone however. I'm just looking at it from the perspective that God did work that distance out for my good.
Last Autumn, after having my too tender heart hurt by someone who presented himself with an interest in me, I prayed to have the experience of falling in love with Jesus. The experience of being so enamored of him, of who he is, that my heart was satisfied.
In a conversation/prayer about something unrelated today, I realized that I was talking to God as a best friend, as someone I loved and trusted implicitly - and I don't know how this changed. Time? Exposure? Desire? Prayer? Reading the Bible? All of it together, probably.
But I wish I had found this Jesus. I wish this Jesus was the one who had been shown to me... where it wasn't obligation that drove the relationship, but that relationship and the obsession of knowing someone you are fascinated by drives the desire to read the Bible, to pray, to change, to know more, to have more depth.
How do I convey that? How is that passion taught to others? I don't want anyone to be stuck in legalism of the should do and ought to...
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