Letting it go

I've been holding onto the promise of a specific thing.  I've been holding onto this hope for so long.  My fingers have been clenched around it so tight for so long that I am not sure how to let go of it.

But I think I have to let it go.

Not let it go in the hopes that if I do that God will make that thing come around to the way that I want them to be but to really, really let go.  And I don't know if I can do it.

What happens if I don't have the hope of this thing?  Am I going to free fall into nothingness?  Is there a point of life beyond this hope?  I am not sure.  I don't know.

What I do know is that I am loved.  I am loved so much more than this place of holding onto my own desire will allow me to acknowledge.  I've been holding onto this hope so hard that I'm not letting myself trust in the fact that I am loved so much and that there is a plan for what's next.... that I am loved.

So, I need to let go.  I need to close the door.  I need to say goodbye.  God is more than capable of reopening a door if I've closed it wrongly.